A few days ago, I went to Boyfriend’s department sports league competition.
I met a friend of Boyfriend, an extrovert one. I was instantly getting utter amazement. While he was competing in Badminton, making or losing score, he expressed his excitement and disappointment in the most exaggerating ways. People were roaring at him, screaming his name. He lets them explode with laughter, as if it was his main purpose.
If you were given a chance to make friend with him, would you?
Yes. You said.
He’s funny guy.
Research from Harvard shows people would rather work with a lovable fool than a competent jerk -even if they won’t admit it:
The question is actually asked by someone on Quora. I want to answer that here.
I am too shy to start conversation.
I was born introvert, I hate small-talk. It is just too confusing to say hi, ask something that nothing to do with me and probably just pass by my ears. I’d rather smile sincerely, raise my hand, and bye-byeing. I create awkward moments every time I meet someone I’d like to spend time with, I sounded happy to meet them, but in time I sounded happier to say goodbye to them.
I made up words.
Backing up my first reason, I find it hard to explain something. I would just made up words. Some people will get it, some people will ask to clarify what I mean, and some other people understand those words I said but still going to ask just to annoy me.
I love random things.
You will find me liking beach, museums, bridges, lip balms, white shoes, and calendars. Or you will interest me with Philosophy, Literature, Accounting, and Interior Design. I love exploring new things.
I am impulsive.
I would be totally uninterested in the topics, or immensely obsessed with it. When I am obsessed, I would do my best to get it done by myself.
I live in the present.
I seldom going out with my friends. But when I do, I will not checking my phone all the time. If you are texting with me at the time, you might feel like being ignored, sorry. I respect the people who are talking to me. I’d text when the topic is ended.
I have a phone-call anxiety.
Yep. I only have 5 names on the list that I will always pick the calls up. I am better at texting, so if it’s not that urgent, please, text only.
I don’t have any mesmerizing talents.
No talents at music. No talents at sports. Clearly I am just a very boring person. But if you invite me to go to gym, or swim, or karaoke, I’d be enthusiastically join the club.
I messed up at times.
Like reallyyy. If that time is coming, I might be carelessly, accidentally hurt you with my sudden motion. Or I might have short term memory loss and I’d forget everything you just said. And those time I just need to shut myself from people.
I am a hopeless romantic.
Romance-Drama and Comedy-Romance are my favorite. If you are not interested at all at the genres I mentioned before, I think you and I will not work out together.
I am particularly peculiar.
Someone transmits this habit to me. I don’t feel comfortable to borrow something from someone as much as I lend my belongings to someone. I love my space and I hope no one would tamper it.
A million thank you to Boyfriend, who dare to love me in spite of my ordinary, boring, but lovable human being.❤
I deal with temperament people. It is never easy, requires a lot of patience and ability to let go of ego. But the more I meet angry people, the more I learn their attitude, the more I learn to control my anger.
That is, I agree when Dawn Gregory said that Anger is an instinctive reaction to feeling powerless. When I feel angry at someone or something else, in reality, I am angry at myself. So the question I need to answer is, why am I so angry at myself? What is making me feel powerless?
One way to answer these questions, she said is to daydream about the specific situations that are making me angry.
What did I want to happen? How many ways can I imagine it would turn out differently? What would I do differently that would have created a positive experience?
Remember, you can’t control what others do, you can only control yourself.
Then I found out Enneagram.
It is a model of the human psyche which is principally understood and taught as a typology of nine interconnected personality types. (read more)
Eight, Nine, and One are the types that make up the gut center triad.
The underlying emotion associated with the gut center is anger.
It fuels the drive or passion for each of the gut types. (read more)
In the Enneagram, 8s externalise their anger.
Eight represents the externalized version of anger. Their anger is like a summer thunderstorm; it rises quickly, it booms and pounds intensely, and it’s over in a flash. When it’s finished, it’s finished. The air is clear.
1s, on the other hand, internalise their anger.
One contains the internalized version of anger – resentment. Anger is stuffed deep inside and seeps out in in the guise of irritation, frustration, and resentment. Anger can even be turned against the One himself in the form of haranguing by the internal critic. In this sense, Ones’ anger is more like an active volcano that is not allowed to blow. Small bursts of steam vent through clenched teeth as the One seethes.
Lastly, 9s are out of touch with their anger.
Nines lost awareness of or “forgot” they were angry, but they are no less driven by it than are Ones and Eights. Anger is kept safely hidden from the Nine’s view, but s/he pays a price by also losing her own priorities, desires, even her passion. The strength and action that are the birthright of the gut center are simply not felt. Nines are like an inactive volcano. It takes a lot of energy not to notice something, which may help explain why Nines often feel ‘low energy’ or feel they are enlivened by the energy of others.
So, how do I deal with angry people?
I try to put myself in their shoes. Will I get angry if something in particular happens to me?
If ‘Yes’, it means I must apologize whether it is my fault or not, to let them know that I value this relationship more than my pride.
If ‘No’, I will observe the causes or If I can not find any, I will assume they are under stressful condition which lead them to their current temper.
Mild anger may be brought on by feeling tired, stressed or irritated, in fact we are more likely to feel irritated if our basic human needs are not met or are jeopardized in some way.
We may become angry when reacting to frustration, criticism or a threat and this is not necessarily a bad or inappropriate reaction.
We can also feel irritated by other people’s beliefs, opinions and actions and hence anger can affect our ability to communicate effectively – making us more likely to say or do unreasonable or irrational things.
Anger can also be a ‘secondary emotion’ to feeling sad, frightened, threatened or lonely. (read more)
I determine their Enneagram type. It is useful to predict how many time they will be needing to calm down. I can also decide the next step by their type.
I will back a step off, letting them to take time out, to have space to reflect. I refuse to talk if they are still in that shape. Talking with angry people might drag me into the same reaction.
I have mantras I used to remind myself: ‘they did not mean anything they said (or did) when they are angry‘ or I’d talk to them in my mind: ‘if you hurt me, that’s okay baby only words bleed’ as Ed Sheeran said. So in the end, it doesn’t hurt me as much as if I think they are really mean to hurt me.
I open 9gag, find videos of cute puppies or kittens or pandas. I find something to laugh for.
After some time of disengaging, I approach them with something attentive that would interest them enough not to ignore me. It makes me creative!
I would hug, or apologize (again), or tease them and make sure I don’t discuss about it until we are probably forgetting some part of the moment.:p
Those steps are based on my experience. They take A LOT of practice to get used to.😌😅
Back then, when I was 7 years old, we had phone cable facility from the company Dad was working. All charges to the the numbers in company’s phone-book were free.
And I became a phone freak.
I would called my friends daily, talked and laughed until my ears get red or Mom had me hung up the phone. Some of my friends survive 2 hours straight on the phone, while the others last no longer than a half hour.
Every time the phone rang, I would ran off to pick up first. Sometimes when I was in the middle of something and could not ran asap, I would yelled to tell everyone in the house that I would picked it up.
Those acts I found impulsive. As I grew older, I have got sicked of ringtone.
Not only the ringtone, but also the phone-call activity itself. I get anxious every time someone calls me. The list of people I’d pick their call up, can be counted on fingers. I feel guilty for the people who calls me, at the same time have instant relieve if they hang up and text me after that.
I am working on this.
This phone anxiety…. or could I just make sure people know me that I am an introvert, so they can learn how to treat me?
Have I already told you that I am a visual learner?
Colors make me alive. I love each of them. I painted my bedroom with brown and pink previously, after months I get bored and decided to repainted again.
When I pick colors, I don’t pick them randomly. It already based on weeks of researching, comparing, and considering. As for now, I picked Brilliant white.
To balance the light, I got rid of my non-LED and set the LED in my room. The LED one was producing less heat and cooling my (pretty hot!) room temperature and also consuming less power (only 7 w, compare to the previous one; 25 w).
There are 3 choices of light. Warm white (for a nice bedroom rest), Natural White (for any room -neutral), and Cool White (for a lighten office space). Intended to buy the Natural White, but there was no stock available. So I picked the Cool White, as my bedroom also worked as home office 🙂
Those 2 decisions I made change my life.
Even though I often find myself on the way home exhausted and sooo very sleepy after meeting up with friends, when I got home I can not sleep right away. I write. I read. I have time to explore myself even more. I became one of those night owls and sleep 4-5 hours a day.
To be more energetic, I hack my sleep. Knowing the sleep cycle repeats every 90 minutes, I have been waking up at those multiples. If I hit the bed at 00:00, estimate to start sleeping at 00:10, then I must set my alarm at 04:40 or 06:10. Works all the time. That is why I need longer rest at weekend.
Just read an article on Quora about rejection (read here),
“The best thing to say after someone rejects you is “thank you“.
Time is too valuable to waste.”
ended up google the mentioned letter.
November 10, 1958
We had your letter this morning. I will answer it from my point of view and of course Elaine will from hers.
First — if you are in love — that’s a good thing — that’s about the best thing that can happen to anyone. Don’t let anyone make it small or light to you.
Second — There are several kinds of love. One is a selfish, mean, grasping, egotistical thing which uses love for self-importance. This is the ugly and crippling kind. The other is an outpouring of everything good in you — of kindness and consideration and respect — not only the social respect of manners but the greater respect which is recognition of another person as unique and valuable. The first kind can make you sick and small and weak but the second can release in you strength, and courage and goodness and even wisdom you didn’t know you had.
You say this is not puppy love. If you feel so deeply — of course it isn’t puppy love.
But I don’t think you were asking me what you feel. You know better than anyone. What you wanted me to help you with is what to do about it — and that I can tell you.
Glory in it for one thing and be very glad and grateful for it.
The object of love is the best and most beautiful. Try to live up to it.
If you love someone — there is no possible harm in saying so — only you must remember that some people are very shy and sometimes the saying must take that shyness into consideration.
Girls have a way of knowing or feeling what you feel, but they usually like to hear it also.
It sometimes happens that what you feel is not returned for one reason or another — but that does not make your feeling less valuable and good.
Lastly, I know your feeling because I have it and I’m glad you have it.
We will be glad to meet Susan. She will be very welcome. But Elaine will make all such arrangements because that is her province and she will be very glad to. She knows about love too and maybe she can give you more help than I can.
And don’t worry about losing. If it is right, it happens — The main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away.